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Don Bain

Episode 15: Money Back for Obedience Class

Hi cowboys and cowgirls! Pancho the ranch dog back with you. This here photo is from what we call the post dawn patrol debrief. They are all pretty much the same. After the meeting is called to order and coffee is served, we go over a list of things the dog did wrong. I have heard it all before and use the lecture -- er debrief -- to try to catch up on my sleep. They schedule this dawn thing too durn early everyday.

Anyway, today I was well on my way to earning a merit biscuit for not chasing the cows, when that crazy heifer broke and ran as our patrol went by. If you run at the sight of a pug ranch dog you are either looney or guilty of somethin'. Figuring the latter, the chase was on fellars!

You've heard of the Aryan Brotherhood, right? A bad-dog prison gang? Well these cows have something called the Bovine Sisterhood. When one of 'em is gettin' chased, she'll put out a signal and cows for miles around will come running to get in on the stomp-da-pug action. I mean there were uncivilized cows from deep in the brush that nobody has seen before comin' to get some whip-da-pug of their own.

I am able to let bad feelings go a few seconds after making my rocket escape under the fence or behind the ranch boss, and return to my don't worry be happy program in no time at all. It takes the foreman, Mr. Grumpy, some time to process these things, get first aid and let go of the anger. "Pancho, I got a dog so I wouldn't need a therapist. Now I need a therapist because I got a dog."

The lecture, I mean debrief, always concludes with some form of "If I see that lady that taught that obedience class, I am gonna ask for my mind back" and "Boy am I gonna give her a piece of my money" or something like that. Onward.

Your Pal, Pancho.